Seemed like everything that could go wrong went wrong — her port implant surgery on monday (day 3) took twice as long since the first implant did not work and they had to redo it; her chest looked like a battlefield with red marks and bandage everywhere; on day 4 the port leaked and her chest and neck got swollen and she cried a lot in pain; days 5-7 the needle in the port got dislodged many times and they had to do a ½ hr port re-access ritual that terrified her intensely. We were introduced to night terrors — she would wake up several times in the middle of the night and cry hysterically.

All she did during this time was cling on to me saying “Mama, don’t let them hurt me”.

I hugged her tight and kept reassuring her, “Don’t worry, mama is here, all will be fine”…

But deep inside, we were utterly clueless and helpless against the medical rituals, staff, medicines and their effects… How were we going to protect her? Would she be completely fine? We just couldn’t bear to see her suffer so much…

With everything spiralling out of our control, I prayed to God like never before that she be completely under His protection and He be with her and take care of her every moment. I prayed every waking moment. Somehow, this gave me the strength to cope with the vast uncertainty and suffering… It helped me as I struggled to stay positive and strong. It helped me assure my kid, my spouse, myself and other family members that all would be well, and that we’ld get through this united and stronger…